Thursday, August 22, 2013

Wait! It's so fragile. Please handle with care.

It starts off texting all the time. Sending each other smiley faces, making each other smile. Flirting, staying up late at night just having fun. Then things get more serious. You start getting more personal. Then you meet, you kiss him, you fall for him. Then he asks you out. You date. Doesn't matter for how long, but you fall. Fall hard enough you don't know what's happening. And when you wake up, you're left with reality. He breaks up with you in a matter of not even a month, or maybe more. But in the end, it's all the same. You always end up with a broken heart. & you keep going back to him because you love him. You'll take his crap, you don't care, because you just want him.

I need a boy. A true guy. One who looks real tough, but won't make me cry. I need that kinda guy who understands and even when he's with his boys, he still says "baby, hold my hand". I don't want to fall to the ground, I want to fall in love.

Every girl, I guarantee you, has been played by some guy before. And these guys make us girls feel like shit; they break our hearts, rip our worlds apart but we still keep coming back to them. Why? You know, maybe it's true when they say boys are smarter than girls. Because boys go around giving their love out to every girl they can find so they won't get hurt. And girls only focus on that one boy. We give him everything we got, and make him our world. We over think everything he does, while he plays it off like no big deal. We're the ones waiting by the phone at night, while he's on the phone with someone else. We're clueless to his act, and it ends up hurting us in the end because we care too much. And what will he do? Move on when you start to cause too much drama.

You're playing with my heart and it's getting really lame. Decide what you want. The girl or the game?

You can lead people to the truth but you can't make them understand it.

My head constantly tells me not to be so stupid, but my heart won't listen.

That's the problem with us, we're too much alike. We're stubborn asses & always want to get our own way. We both hate to be wrong& love to be right. But that's the thing about love. No matter what happens, we always come back for each other one more time.

Do you remember when we first met?  The way you looked I can't forget. I smiled at you and you smiled back. It felt just like a heart attack.

Let's try to keep this simple because I hate having to write such long things about you. The thing with you is that you're arrogant and ever since you've entered my life, it's been chaotic like hell but you are also the best thing that's ever happened to me. The way you try to act cool and pretend like you hate me, you're my 'once in a lifetime kinda love' and I don't know what I'd do without you.

Only you yourself can give you the best advice. It sounds oh so cliche, but follow your heart.

I want someone who won't care that I hate wearing shoes, that I'm incapable of sitting still, that I can't grasp the concept of cleaning, and I refuse to be ladylike. Someone who realizes that half the decisions I make are usually ones I regret, and I have the right to overreact at any given moment. I want someone who knows how completely insane I am, and he wouldn't want me any other way.

The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down.

You're probably the most confusing person I've ever met. Maybe that's why I want you more, you keep me interested.

I like how a smile never leaves my face when were together. I like the way you tickle me because you know how much i love to laugh, I like how you give me big hugs spontaneously just because you know how much i love them. I like how things are between us, I've never been this close to someone in so little time. I'm actually terrified though, i don't think my heart can handle another break.

No girl should ever forget that she doesn't need someone who doesn't need her.

If he takes the time to argue with you then he cares more than you think.

She’s the girl that believes that what comes around goes around. The one that hopes for a better day. The one that won’t give up on you. She’s the girl that’s unlike the rest. The one that spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. She’s the girl that would love to be loved. The one that looks so damn strong, but feels so weak. She’s the girl that picks herself up every time she falls. She is the girl with a big fragile heart. So guys, if you're the lucky one to have her, please handle her heart with care.

I realized something. I need you, I trust you, I admire you, I want you. And you can be wrong a lot of the time, and we can fight and get mad at each other, but nothing, nothing in this world can change the fact that I love you.

I don't care how far you are from me, or how long it's been since we talked. I don't care how mad I got at you, or how mad you've been at me,  you're still what matters most to me and I'm never gonna give that up.

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.


Monday, July 22, 2013

Things happen, just go through it!

Every man needs a woman when his life is a mess because the queen protects the king, just like in a game of chess. Sometimes when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

I think life is simpler than we tend to think. We look for answers and more answers. But there are no answers. Things happen in life, good things and bad. People say, 'why did it happen to me?' Well, why not? Some people win the lottery, and others die in a car crash. It happens, and there is nothing we can do about it. The universe doesn't care what happens to you!

You can't put one relationship on hold for another. It's like call waiting. You leave one person on hold long enough, they're gonna hang up. I think its crazy how he can’t bear to see me by another guy side, but he doesn’t want me right by his, either. Isn't it weird? Yes he is. Maybe the reason why you have to stop loving a person is because fate chose both of you to be friends, where forever is a lot more possible. So what I'm gonna do now is just as simple as ABC like what I did before. Get up. Move on.

But hey boy, just remember one thing! One fine day, when the world seems to ignore your presence and all the people around you seems to avoid and pretending you're not there, by time you'll realized how worth I'm to you. So you thought you were gonna throw it back in my face, well tell me how do my leftovers taste? Now that I'm gone, you've finally realized that I was worth waiting for. But, obviously, you weren't. You make the wrong choice. Always. Regret. That's the one word you'll only find the meaning of your life.

You can call it fate, or destiny. Sometimes it really seems like it's a mystery, cause you can be hurt by love, or healed by the same, timing is everything. And it can happen so fast, or a little bit late, but still timing is everything. This is when the fake laugh comes in to play 'cause its days like today when it's better to just pretend that everything is okay.

Ever since I was born, since the first time I spoke a word to my mom, she taught me something valuable which I'm afraid and phobia of till today. She always said 'don't be afraid to fall in love. It's the only thing that matters in life.' Well I never found the truth in her word. I live in environment of love. My parents love each other. My siblings love one another. My brothers love their lady and my little younger loves their partner. I see how love matters in life then. But I can't feel it either 'cause I'm not the person worth it for love. I'm not that type.

Time moves and I keep thinking every moment of my life. I love you and I probably always will. But we go days without having meaningful conversations. And I used to miss you so much when that happened, but it never seemed like you missed me, and I guess because of that, I should stop missing you.

Well I used to get 'we gotta stop rethinking things. Because normally, our first thoughts are the right ones. The real ones.'

People around will never help you. That's what life promises us. But when everything in life ruined, they matter the most about the things you should have done long ago. They whispered. Hey boy, see that girl? Yeah, she’s the one who stuck up for you, the one who stayed up till midnight just to talk to you. She’s the one whose heart flutters when she gets a call or text from you, the one who says good morning every time she gets the opportunity, and the one who prays she’ll get a chance to say goodnight. Boy, she’s the one who fought for you, the one that missed you and loved you. But by the time you realize that she’s the girl you want, she’ll already be with the guy who figured it out.

The past year has been filled with tears, heartbreak and constant worrying. Just as I threw the towel in and walked away from love. What I really hope that's, when you came in, you showed me that not all boys leave and that it’s okay to give your all to someone. For the first time in a while I feel like I'm on top of the world so please, I beg you, don't break my heart! For the second time! Once again. Please don't!

Everyone wish for one perfect thing happen in their life. So am I. You know when you finally get over someone and then you look back on them like a month or a year later and you think like wow I was so stupid? Or you talk with your best friends about past crushes and everyone laughs at all the boys they've liked in their past and you make fun of each other for all the stupid boys you liked? Well I'm really waiting for that moment with you. I want to be over you and I want to be able to laugh and think how dumb I was for being hooked on you for so long. I want to be able to brush it off and just move on. I can't wait for that moment.

Loving you is wonderful, and complicated; and yet it makes me feel as if I'm conquering the world.

I just can't even describe the feeling you give me. It's like when I'm talking to you or when I'm with you, I just forget about everything else. As cliché as it sounds, you make me so incredibly happy. I just wonder what being around me makes you feel

I want to be the girl who makes your bad days better and who makes you say my life has changed since I've been with her. Thinking of you always keeps me awake; dreaming of you keeps me asleep and being with you, keeps me alive. The best feeling in the world knows you finally took a step in the right direction; a step towards the future where everything that you never thought was possible is possible.

These other guys are sweet, and they treat me right, but none of them give me the feelings I got around you. But I guess I've come to accept second best, because that's all anyone's been since I met you. Even if you think the flame has died, there's a least one lyric that'll hit that last hot spot, and then you'll find yourself as fucked as you were the day you lied and said you never wanted to see me again!

Life is the ability to feel so happy; you think your insides are going to explode. It's being so upset or disappointed, you feel as if your stomach just dropped ten feet out of place. It's running so hard, you can barely breathe. T\It's the feeling of panic when you know you've been caught doing something wrong. It's having that sudden rush before you kiss someone you care about. It's opening your eyes and feeling the sting because you spent the whole night crying. It's letting people go because new ones come in, and all the while realizing that life doesn't have a purpose unless you let it. When I'm with you I feel like that's where I belong and honestly, that's the only place I want to be.

You know that feeling? That feeling as if you're on top of the world? The feeling you get after your first date. The feeling you get after you laugh with your best friend. The feeling you get when meeting your idol. That’s how life should feel every day.

Someone will always be prettier. They will always be smarter. Their house will always be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school, and their husbands will fix more things about the house. So let it go, and love yourself and your circumstances. Think about it: the prettiest women in the world have turmoil in their house, and the highly favored woman at your job may be unable to have children. And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, and the clothes but might be lonely. And the world says "if I have no love, I am nothing." So again, love that you are. Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say "I am blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed. Winners make things happen, losers let things happen.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Dude, you already got her! She's now yours, so step up, man up, and treat her right or she won't be yours for long.

Dude, you already got her!
Lucky that she's now yours.
So get up, step up, man up.
Treat her right and special or,
She won't be yours for long.

Dear Hakim, my best friend for almost 17 years. I thought you'd always be the one constant in my life, the one person I could rely on, but finally I realize that I was wrong. I'm sorry for not knowing how much you've care for me all this while. I'm sorry for not knowing how much you've needed me in your life. I'm sorry for not noticing that you've missed me every second of your life. I'm sorry for not realizing how much you've loved me all the time. I'm sorry for never ever knowing that you've waited for me for so long. I'm sorry for I've wasted your time waiting for me since then. I'm sorry for we've been best friend since baby. I'm sorry for we can't be together. I'm sorry for you can't have me for more. I'm sorry if I hurt you alot. I'm sorry for everything.

We just can't be together. We're best friend and for one reason that you have to note, best friend doesn't break! Best friend doesn't cheat on one another. Best friend doesn't hate one another. Best friend doesn't trouble each other. Best friend doesn't fall apart. Best friend doesn't fall together. Best friend doesn't fall in love. Best friend love each other as best friend. Best friend care for each other as brother and sister. Best friend laugh together. Best friend talk to one another. Best friend are best friend. Just like who we are! Best friend grows and never have to reach a point. Never have to quarrel. Never have to misunderstand. Never have to stop. Most of all, best friend never fall together. They never fall in love!

I'm sorry for I thought that best friend doesn't have to keep secrets from one another. I'm sorry for I've made you think that best friend will be together forever. I'm sorry for I've made you love me. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for telling you that I've someone special inside. I'm sorry for making you guess too much. I'm sorry for making you hard to understand me. I'm sorry for the special someone inside is not you. I'm sorry for making your life miserable. I'm sorry for you have to understand that  you're not the one for me. I'm sorry for you've to get some spaces for my newcomer. I'm sorry for you've to believe that he can look after me. I'm so sorry!

At least I knew that I've someone like you dear friend. Thank you for trying to understand me as well. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for saying this to me. "He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you."

Dear Special Az, you and I were different. We came from different worlds, and yet you were the one who taught me the value of love. The thing is, you make me happy. You walked in when it seemed like the rest of the world walked out. You were there, you are there. I never need to pretend when I am around you, when I am talking, when I am with you. You are hilarious, you make me laugh all the time. You seem to pick up when something is wrong before everyone else does, and you know exactly what to say to make it all okay. And even if it is only for a little while, it helps. The thing is, I might love you. It was odd your deep blue eyes met my brown, and we didn't look away. For a moment we were caught in this awkward, staring, glance-like thing and then you did the most amazing thing when you finally looked away then you smiled. They say the little things in life matter the most, but you're a big part of me and you matter the most.

I hope that someday, somebody, someone like you want to hold me for twenty minutes straight, and that's all they do. They don't pull away, they don't look at my face, they don't try to kiss me. All they do is wrap me up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it. And this feeling, right here, is the exact reason why I never gave up on you when everyone else said stop trying. You're a perfect guy to me. You're so beautiful, and the kind of beautiful that melts my heart and eases my mind at any sign of discomfort. It's the way you tilt you head to the left, or that smile, the one where I feel you looking at me, and I mean really looking at me. You're beautiful, and the kind of beautiful that steals my heart and my breath away.

I really enjoy spending time with you, even if we're just going to be sitting around and talking about nothing. There are a million things I love about you, like your nose or the way you smile, the way you look me in the eyes too. And I just get the greatest feeling when I make you laugh, I feel as if my company makes you happy, and that's what I wish for you. For you to be happy. And when I see you laugh at my clumsy ways, it just makes me want to spend the rest of my time with you so I can see a smile on your face. She believed in dreams, all right, but she also believed in doing something about them. When prince charming don’t come along. She went over to the palace and got him.

When you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change our feelings because it's the mind that gets angry, but the heart still cares. And I believe in you, even if no one understands. I really love you.


Sunday, January 8, 2012

The things on the table mess-up when you entered the room.

I wonder why is it so hard for people to hold onto promises they made. Why were promises always broken? What is for some fortune in the after? Or to punish for something that we did wrong in the past? Or to teach us a lesson that failed is the first step towards success.

Human changes. Fate stays. Karma reflects. That is how life flows. We should be tough enough to live the life that we had to enjoy the sorrows of yesterday and laughter of tomorrow.I am so grateful to have Allah's fate on my life. He gives me sickness and shorten my age. Even I won't stay longer, at least I've got instinct to that. I'll be having an operation in 7days time. May luck always with me.

Though it hurts me alot when I got to know about this no-joking news, yeah at least Allah had given all the chances for me. I was being loved by a guy and Allah gives me the opportunity to put some sort of love in my soul for him. Swear that I've never feel the touch of love from outsider before but he was the one and only. I thanked Allah for putting this unconditional love for him even he just loved me for once. But I bet that he will fall in love again with me because of his swear in the name of Allah. I trust that every people making a pledge with Allah's name will surely fulfill it. They won't dare to go against it as they wouldn't want to have a tragic death for breaking it.

Dear MAR, I trust you. I've never left you either waited for you. I just let it be nice with the flow. If ever you turn back to be with me, I believe that you're really meant for me. As if you never change and never want to come back, I just wish you a thousands of happiness and may you life with the blessing of Allah.

Dear MA, I thanked you so much for coming into my life and bring the bright shines to my day. If it happens that we are being together, we will meet again somehow. You mess up the table when you entered the room. You've made me in dilemma either to stay with the one and only or to try very hard on you.

Whatever it is, I still let the only Allah to determine it. I've no power to choose.


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I used to love you and I wish I still did :-')

I might have not been the best lover for you 'cause I know there's always someone stays on top of your heart even they won't long-last there. But you know how much I have loved you with my whole life, and you know how much I cared and loved you as you know I was always there by your side in every single thing you do even you didn't realize I'm always there for you. When things did not go well for you, I was always there by your side. I was always and forever there to shelter you. I was so patient with you. I offered you food and shelter but most of all I offered you is my unconditional love for you that lies everywhere in my little heart.

When you found your feet again, you slowly broke my heart for several times. You might have done that on purpose 'cause you might think that your action will change my heart towards you, and I may leave you forever after. Yet my love for you never changed! Even thought it had a reason to change but I was patient with you and once again. For what is worth, I’m sorry for loving you. I’m sorry for being there when you needed me most. I’m sorry for being patient with you. I’m sorry for being your bad lover.

And I learned what is obvious to a child. That life is simply a collection of little lives, each lived one day at a time. That each day should be spent finding beauty in flowers and poetry and talking to animals. That a day spent with dreaming and sunsets and refreshing breezes cannot be bettered. But most of all, I learned that life is about sitting on benches next to ancient creeks with my hand on her knee and sometimes, on good days, for falling in love.

Being beautiful is more than how many boys you can get to look at you, or how much make-up you can wear. It's about what you live for, it's about what defines you, it's about the heart that you have and what makes you special. It's about those little quirks that make you, you. It's about going against the flow and living out what you honestly think. And that is a beautiful thing.

His dark hazel eyes met mine and we didn't look away. For a moment caught in this awkward staring glance like thing and then he did the most amazing thing when he looked away that he smiled. It's the possibility that keeps us going, not the guarantee. My daddy used to tell me that the first time you fall in love it changes your life forever. And no matter how hard you try, the feeling never goes away.

He had liked you for a short time without you noticing his action on you. Then he just went away and leaves you 'cause he thinks that he's just wasting his time on you, and at the same time you're actually started to love him. Suddenly he became the man whom you loved so much and you can never stop loving him. Do you ever just sit there and wonder why he chose you before? Do you ever stop and think that it was just too good to be true? Does it ever seem like you are afraid to lose him, because without him your whole life will be ruined.

"Failing is the first step to success, crying is the first step to happiness. And heart break is the first step to true love." And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day. I hope something will remind you of me, and you wish you had stayed with me all the time. We can plan for change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you to stop loving me. I'm not even upset, hurt or angry anymore. I'm just tired. I'm tired of putting in more effort than what I receive. I'm tired of holding on for nothing. I'm tired of believing all your lies. I'm tired of you proving me wrong every time. I'm tired of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed again.

 I think one of the worst feelings in the world, right behind heart break, is that disgustingly empty feeling you get, right after you spill your heart out and lay all your cards on the table. Just right after you gets the courage to say everything
 You have been feeling and are completely and recklessly honest. It's that feeling you get right after you risk everything, and he just walks away 'cause then you realize that you just lost. You've lost everything you didn't even know you had when you said "what do I have to lose?''

 One day when it's way too late you're going to say, "I love you". Then when I don't reply, you're going to muster up everything you have and ask, "Do you love me?" and you know what I'm going to say, "I used to love you, I wish I still did, but you were with all those other girls, and you were way too blind to see what was right in front of you the whole time. I've dropped you hints, and I've tried to make it clear, but you never caught on. So right now I'm going to have to say, we're just friends, like you did to me all those times".

 I can't say "screw him" about the boy that I came the closest to loving. I would still do anything for him even though I know he wouldn't do the same for me. Yes it hurts more than anything, but I can't stop loving him. Believe me, I've tried.

 I might not have you in my life, and I might never have you in it again. I might not be the first thought that comes up to your mind when you wake up, or the last one that leaves your head once you go to sleep, but I will always remember you and I will never forget you and you will always and forever be that one stage in my life where my first true love ever existed. And now I know, if I have kids and that when my kids ask me who my first love was, I'm going to dig for the photo album and show them a picture of you, not their father, not the man before him, no one else but you.

I often wonder why God made me fall in love with you, was it to punish me for something that I did wrong? 'Cause it couldn't be that he thought you seriously did love me?

"I used to love you and I wish I still did"!